He's not so friendly!! ...

I still recall vividly....

It was on 18th May, late late Sunday evening. After almost a day of "wartime" with 3 kids, I decided to "chill out" a little and spend some quality time with just Joel. I asked of Lele and Sam to lookout for the twins, while I brought Joel out to run some errands. (Gosh imagine bringing a pre-schooler to go marketing is considered a chillout! How pathethic)

After the errand, Joel and I passed by the playground just downstairs on the way home. He spotted two kids there, and was eager to join them. He asked" Can we go there! (Pointing to the playground), it would be fun!! I promised!!" That's his exact words, and I could see his eyes sparkling with delight! As I promised him "quality time" , I stopped the stroller that he was sitting in, and let him alight. He ran to the slides, and was smiling happily to the boy whom was just perhaps a year older. The boy apparently showed no interest in interacting with him, and Joel still kept on trying to befriend. However, after a few tries, Joel suddenly ran to me, holding me and said "He's not so friendly..." . I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and he's almost bursting into tears. What could I do??

"No Joel, he should be fine, you just need to say hello!" And there Joel went again, this time, he succeeded. With a few hello's, the other boy finally acknowledged, and my guess was right...my son was blabbering to him in English. And the other child( Whom is more fluent in Mandarin) was initally confused and did not react. "Hello" being the international language, broke the ice and ended up seem to be the only word they had in common.

Two things noted:
1. Joel needs to learn more Mandarin.
2. My boy has grown!! And has learnt to acknowledged how other's feel! He's not just a toddler anymore! More challenge to come....

Why arent there 36 hours a day?

It's just 3rd day of "no-work", still not quite adjusted. It's been 3 days with nothing accomplished!!

Perhaps I should really start planning what I need to do. Something more constructive. Sending out more resumes, spending more time with kids, and finally , starting up that business thingy. Hey!! MZ Read this!! And please lets exchange a kick in the butt!! We should get started.

Then again, there's 3 kids!! 4 hrs per kid a day, that'll make 12, half day gone! n leaving just another 12 hrs remaining for eating, sleeping and miscellaneous. Gosh!! Why arent there 36hrs a day! It's just not enough! I barely have time for housekeeping, job hunting and home biz! Else, the activities would be vice versa. Sigh.

Lastly.......where should I start.....hmmmm.

Finally Outz....

Finally!! The time has come.... My Last Day of Work!!

I am surprised to realise it's easier to adapt to the old routine of getting back to work. Waking up in the wee hours even before the sun, and getting ready for work. Then rushing back from work to gather back all the logistics, hurry past dinner then settle home for the day.

Now that my contract has ended, I realised it's another change to adapt again, back to home making, spending time with kids, and more importantly perhaps to consider what's next again!

LOST would be the first word or i'd say, question? What? How? When? What should I do next? How could I go about spending my next weeks or months? When would be my next job opportunity?

I am really worried beyond worried, if I would be stuck for months with no job, if there's no further calls for interviews, then how? I guess now it's the test HE is putting me through, test of our faith in HIM.

Back to my packup. I don't know if it's same for everyone that's gone through the stage or was it me. However, honestly, since I was back a month n a half ago, I'd been having this strange feeling that I don't belong anymore. No busy work discussions, fellow colleagues are just brushing past my desk moving on to the next desk bustling with discussions. Gosh! I feel like an antique!! Lastly, was it my mind playing tricks? Are some of the folks a little drifting off to a distance, embarrassed if they'd somehow show that they are feeling sorry for me losing my job? Or is it my ego playing tricks? Or worse, would I be judged as not performing thus finally losing my job? Complicated and confused, I guess I'd just focus on packing up, sending my farewell messages, and walking out from my desk, bidding some neighbours one last good bye.

No matter what, GOD please at least let me walk out in your grace and teach me how to be positive to what you've given me.

I hate to admit it, I miss working already.

Guilt of a mother ...

Finally! An accomplishment! At least for little old me.

It's such a common trival matter! So what's the fuss about? My babies have parted from sleeping with me for 5 consecutive nights!

If it had not been due to Joel down with flu for so many days, I would still be insisting to have the twins in the same room with us every night, and me waking up now and then to "strategically" shift the babies from bouncers after feed to bed n the "sarong", then back to bouncers again after feeds, all just because there's insufficient bed space for everyone.

Yaya, it sounded so tiring and messy. But I guess it's all efforts for me to salvage however much motherly effort I had to give, and ensure they are safe and sound asleep every night. Putting them with the maid would make me feel that I am not fulfilling my duty as a mother as we are already spending our days in the offices. And I would feel like I am shutting the two little babies out from us, shuffing them with the maid! Yet......health n age is also catching up for me. So much so, I am having stys on both my eyes, at first the right, and now the left!!!Toxic toxic....

Maybe I should work out a system with the maid on the sleeping arrangement to strike a balance, so that we all get some rests and I won't feel so guility.